Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
