But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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