In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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