I am spending my child support on dildos
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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