I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
