Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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