I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
