she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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