We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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