Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
and she was petting her beer can
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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