If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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