that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
