Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
