How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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