would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
