Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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