she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize