my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Randomize
