he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Randomize
