All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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