AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
