You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
