Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
