At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
