So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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