im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
