i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
