after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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