One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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