i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize