Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
