i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
my poor anus
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
