i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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