But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
