I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
