She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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