I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
