He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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