You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
