If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
