From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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