Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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