dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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