i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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