You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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