Dude my mom stole all your condoms
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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