Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
