The maid of honor just puked.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
