i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
