So drunk its hurt
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
