This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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