Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize