Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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