My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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