my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
