Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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