Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
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All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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