i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
