last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
