yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
