I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
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It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
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I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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