we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
