i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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